Yes, indeed. It's been almost three years. It's time to move on. Move on from what? Move on from everything. Since my partner died almost three years ago, I've found it ridiculously hard to do anything here. My muse, my best friend, my best critic and fan--all disappeared in a single moment. The plug was pulled, the coma ended, his life escaped, time elapsed and here I still am. My writing has been profuse, prolific, prophetic, and pathetic. I write something and I expect him to comment on it, but he's not there. I'm sure everyone understands what that's like. To lose a best friend is like losing a part of your soul. I lost the one person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We grew apart, we grew close again, he pushed away once more because he knew his death was imminent, and just like that he was gone. I guess I've been way too hung up on all the guilt over the past few years, less focused on the future and the present, which is a gift. But, from time to time I return here because I made this website to his satisfaction at the time. I know I could have made it better. I know it could be amazing now if I worked at it, but I just don't have him, the motivator and motivation. Lacking my muse, I only smile at what was. This was something in the past and it was a great run, but I must move on. I must move on from my best friend, who is ashes, who is matter, who is dust, who is sleeping in death. He moved away from me because he wanted me to move on. He wanted my happiness to soar. Happiness eludes me when I think about him being gone. When I come here, I think about him. Feeling blue, it all rushes to my head: a blue rush. I think momentarily that I'll revive this, that it'll be restored, but then I think, "what's the point?" Yes, I know there are reasons that perhaps I should revive this site or reasons I should check my emails that are continuing to flood in from many visitors of the past, but it just has no meaning anymore. Please understand. This is not a good-bye, this is hello. I am going to say hello to a new world. I'm going to shut this down, once I consult Fex. We'll shut this down, open something new, something fresh and unapproved. Something that my long-gone best friend would want me to open to be happy, but something he never got to see or approve. This way I can start something that doesn't make me sad, even though I'll always think about him. This way, I'll be able to move. I'll move on from this site, but never from my childhood and those great memories. Don't ever think that. Don't ever think I'll forget you, all of you that helped me out so much. Never forgotten, you're my dreams that fuel me onward. Please help me move on.

Thank you.

Well, it's about time I update, right? Nah, this isn't a real update. I'm pulling a "Kronakitty" now. lol. (Just kidding, Kronakat! I love ya!) I will be updating soon, but I'm waiting to get together with Pyro & Fexible (if she ever returns!) Hopefully, I'll still be this happy... as happy as I am now. And, then we can really get cracking and do some real work on this site. I'll install the new layout! Yes! Unfortunately, I've been so busy doing everyone else's layouts and helping with their sites that I haven't updated this site. Tsk tsk. Not so good of me. But, I promise. And yes, you can trust my promises as long as I continue in my sane mind. :) I promise I will update this site with the new layout.

Also, I will be going through this site and taking out foolish pages that aren't needed. I will be sprucing up the old pages. I will be replacing everything with PHP (because I will also be transferring everything to the new host!) And, with everyone's help--oh, dear, I love everyone!--THIS SITE WILL BE A BETTER PLACE. IT WILL BE A PLACE OF LOVE AND LIFE AND CREATIVITY. IT WILL BE WHERE YOU GO WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY OR SAD OR SCARED OR WHEN YOU ARE JUST FRANKLY BORED. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMETHING TO DO, SOMETHING TO LEARN, SOMETHING TO READ, SOMETHING TO LOOK AT, AND SOMEONE HERE TO GREET YOU! Why? Why do I believe this? Because this is really what a site is about. It's more than fancy updating tables and neat layouts and orderly content (although, that's stuff is really important). It's more than just providing information or getting your ideas out there.

It's about HEART. OUR SITE IS ABOUT HEART. I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT NOW AND I HOPE I ALWAYS WILL. STAREON IS THE SYMBOL OF ALL OF OUR CHILDISH DREAMS COMING TRUE!! ALL OF OUR HOPES SHINING AS BRIGHT AS THE STARS. ALL OF THE PEOPLE LOOKING AT US LIKE WE ARE ALIENS BECAUSE WE ARE DIFFERENT. WE ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE WE BELIEVE. WE ARE OPTIMISTS. HAPPY PEOPLE WELCOMED! ALL OTHERS... COME AND GET HAPPY!! This is what I'm going to base the site off of and my life off of. I'm an honest person when it comes to my feelings. But, what if my feelings could always be happy? Wouldn't that be great? Not realistic, but it would be "blissful." I'm going to try living like that. I'm going to try to be less torn between reality and fantasy. I'm just going to let them collide. And, I'd love it if you all joined me and invited all your friends, too. I really try hard and I put myself out there. Please come to this site and help me make all of our dreams come true!

Thanks so much for listening to idealistic talk. Now, would you like to know what inspired? Well, today, I simply woke up and said "I'm going to be happy. The sky is beautiful. Life is beautiful. And, I'm alive... what's not to be happy about? Life is a miracle." And, so from then on, the whole day, I've been in this beautiful evanescent of reality, slipping into the in between of the world of fantasy and dreams. It's great. And, no, I swear I'm not smoking anything funny right now.

What started it all? Well, most of you know because I'm such a big baby and I've already rattled the innards of my soul and tragedy to the world. But, I guess some of you still might not know. Well, I've had some bad things happen to me recently. Or, at least it seems so recently. It knocked me off my feet quite literally. I've been very sickly all my life, but more so recently it has gotten worse. And, just when I was started to get out of my spell of sickness a little, I found out my best friend died. Think of the person you love the most in this world--in a friendship way, in a romantic way, in a family way, whatever. Well, then you can imagine how terrible it would feel if that person died. We have a long complicated history, but one thing that was simple about it was we loved each other. And, we knew each other our entire lives. He suffered his whole life. Amazingly, he lived to be in his twenties, but still that's too young to die. But, one thing he taught me was that you have to live life like it's a gift. And, he gave me this gift now of "bliss." It just took me a really long time to get the wrapping paper off of it and open it up. But, thank you, Daichi, for loving me and letting me love you. I know I was very much a little girl when we were together, but just the same, you treated me like a queen. Thank you. And, thank you for this gift.

Well, I only recently opened this gift, even though he died a month ago. Mainly, it was talking to his mother and realizing how much she is like him that has helped me. It reminded me that we are all brothers and sisters, humans that are similar. And, while no one is like my Daichi, there are other people here that are trying to fill the void as best as they can. I can't refuse their efforts and love. Thank you everyone. It took me a while. I got into a car accident. I suffered some more fatigue and chronic health problems that don't seem to go away and some confusion with the people in my life-- as far as relationships are concerned. However, when things finally cooled down, I felt this overwhelming calm. I went to a box I have in my room. I opened it and was greeted by old envelopes and cards from Daichi. All the letters he ever sent me are in there. I finally got the courage to read them. It made me feel so much better. I realized what we had. And, I realized that no matter what, we would always have that love and special friendship with each other. Yes, even in death, we are still together. There is no parting true love. I'm so glad he's not suffering anymore. He suffered his whole life. Now, he's sleeping in peace. And, I'm living in peace. Until then, I'm going to be happy.

Thank you for reading this whole thing. I always feel better when I can write. I needed to do this so that you guys could know. Whatever happens, may you be happy. Chase after happiness, not fun. That's transient. Happiness is much better. You'll find yourself, you'll find love. And, then you'll know how I feel. It's wonderful. Thank you again. I can't thank you enough. Readers keep my words alive.